I was once told that "changing your behavior is one of the hardest tasks you can ever accomplish."
It makes sense, right?
From the moment we are brought into this world we are shown specific ways of doing things. We were nurtured in a particular fashion. We were taught to have specific values, beliefs, etc. We were constantly analyzing everything our parents did or didn't do. We paid attention to their reactions, or lack thereof.
{Sounds heavy and almost impossible to wrap our heads around. But it gets me to my point--making strides to do things differently or be open to other ways.}
In making these strides I have found that "changing myself" is way harder than I thought--especially when I am trying to make Jamie happy or accepting of my way. And in return, he probably feels the same way, yet I tend to oblige by what he prefers, likes, wants or intends (99% of the time).
Exhibit A:
I have never, I repeat, NEVER have been allowed to mow a lawn in the 12 years that Jamie and I have known each other. Not once. He did, however, give me a chance to demonstrate how I would mow a patch of grass if given the gracious opportunity to tackle an entire lawn. I believe it was six or seven years ago at the townhouse in Iowa where I proceeded to push the mower in what I believed was a straight and narrow path. He abruptly took the mower out of my hands, shook his head and pointed to the direction of the front door. (In silence)
As you can imagine, my heart sank and I hung my head in shame as I didn't mow a patch (no longer than 2 feet) to his standards. He later explained that he was a "mowing professional"--that he would mow his entire neighborhood's yards for a summer gig; in various, straight, circular or perpendicular ways to make things "fun". (Queue the clapping)
Fast forward to 2017--a new man, right? Potentially. Jamie realized he couldn't keep up with our lawn, work, soccer, baseball, etc. He agreed to let me mow. (gasps)
(The anxiety was mounting........for both of us)
I woke up the next morning knowing an entire yard was my responsibility. So as I ventured out to the shed, I noticed "color" on our fence/grass. I took a few steps closer and realized that along the entire perimeter of our fence/lawn were chalk marks.
Did he chalk the grass? Did he mark where I was supposed to mow? And did he seriously measure this shit?!?!
The answer: Yes.
(I tried my hardest to follow the markings, did my job and have a scar on my thumb to prove my dedication.)
Here is my point:
Jamie made a huge stride by allowing me to mow the yard (even with the controlled chalk markings). While you may think this is a joke or ridiculous--it is NOT. Jamie is particular. He is type A. He is diligent in what he does. He is dedicated to everything he puts his mind to. He is loyal in every sense of the word.
I've found that Jamie and I make strides daily. Whether that is taking a moment as soon as he gets in the door and acknowledging one another--we are making a stride. Whether it is putting the cap back on the toothpaste just so Jamie's blood pressure doesn't increase--I am making a stride. Whether it is allowing the dishes to stay "as is" in the dishwasher--he is making a stride by not rearranging. Or whether it is just time with each other--we are making a stride.
It doesn't have to be big. It doesn't even have to be said. It is just doing something for the other person (that challenges our own, initial behavior or way).