My ability to see life in a hazy shade of gray has substantially improved since meeting my husband twelve years ago. Before him, I tended to see, do, determine and create things in a pattern of either black or white. It was a Yes or a No. I always thought of myself as fairly decisive. Yet, Jamie pointed out the stark difference between decisiveness and the ability to meet in the middle. I tend to think my past pattern of thinking was largely to do with my father's behavior. I quickly realized I hindered our relationship and other relationships due to my inability to see another way. A change needed to happen and to much of my surprise it wasn't a quick fix.
I, nor anyone else on this Earth is perfect. It takes time to improve and actually change a repetitive behavior. Call it a bad habit. Call it a personality trait. Call it what you may, but in order to truly change your behavior you have to first see it for yourself.
This idea of black and white recently came up again (as it has) as Jamie and I discussed the distinction between toleration and respect. Once again, Jamie and I butt heads at first because either our communication was off or we didn't fully want to accept the other person's perspective.
Jamie's take:
You respect all people. We are taught to give respect to all individuals. We do this out of respect for ourselves. It doesn't mean you like a person or agree with a person--but you respect them.
Beth's take:
I respect those individuals who demonstrate kindness, empathy, compassion and genuineness. I tolerate those individuals who may not do or be any of these things---yet I am in situations where I must abide by their presence or involvement.
You can imagine how this conversation went---a token to the black and white discussions we've had throughout our relationship. I quickly realized "toleration" doesn't exist in Jamie's world. And in my world there is a strict dichotomy between toleration and respect. I may or may not take "respect" to a whole other level. Neither Jamie or I are completely right or wrong--we just see it differently.
The discussion provided us a closer glimpse into what we believe; and a way to challenge one another for the better.
(We now poke fun at one another with what we tolerate/respect about each other)
Jamie: I tolerate the fact that you can't organize the JUNK DRAWER TO MY STANDARDS.
Beth: I respect the fact that you believe every piece of food (with mold) should be eaten.
Love,
The Seidl Scouts
I, nor anyone else on this Earth is perfect. It takes time to improve and actually change a repetitive behavior. Call it a bad habit. Call it a personality trait. Call it what you may, but in order to truly change your behavior you have to first see it for yourself.
This idea of black and white recently came up again (as it has) as Jamie and I discussed the distinction between toleration and respect. Once again, Jamie and I butt heads at first because either our communication was off or we didn't fully want to accept the other person's perspective.
Jamie's take:
You respect all people. We are taught to give respect to all individuals. We do this out of respect for ourselves. It doesn't mean you like a person or agree with a person--but you respect them.
Beth's take:
I respect those individuals who demonstrate kindness, empathy, compassion and genuineness. I tolerate those individuals who may not do or be any of these things---yet I am in situations where I must abide by their presence or involvement.
You can imagine how this conversation went---a token to the black and white discussions we've had throughout our relationship. I quickly realized "toleration" doesn't exist in Jamie's world. And in my world there is a strict dichotomy between toleration and respect. I may or may not take "respect" to a whole other level. Neither Jamie or I are completely right or wrong--we just see it differently.
The discussion provided us a closer glimpse into what we believe; and a way to challenge one another for the better.
(We now poke fun at one another with what we tolerate/respect about each other)
Jamie: I tolerate the fact that you can't organize the JUNK DRAWER TO MY STANDARDS.
Beth: I respect the fact that you believe every piece of food (with mold) should be eaten.
Love,
The Seidl Scouts
