If someone was to tell me eight years ago that Jamie and I would be "unsettled" and blindly trusting what the future holds, I would consider them crazy. I have always been a person that needed and wanted answers. I have always sought out a life that made me feel like I had a sense of control. The irony is that life is far more out of my control than ever and I am slightly at peace with it all.
Jamie and I have quickly realized that "moving away" or leaving what is comfortable can be extremely scary, but more importantly challenging. In our minds we have always looked at this as an adventure or journey. We had hoped many of our friendships would sustain the distance and many of our family members would be supportive--yet, we know that distance (ironic again) can place strain and judgment. From afar it is easy to think or assume things. From afar it is easy to escape things. From afar it is normal to feel alone. It happens. No pity--just honesty.
Rewind to May 2013, I think I needed to be more aware of what and who was truly important. Far too often in our time in Augusta and when we traveled back I felt like I was disappointing others if I didn't see them or see them long enough. Jamie and I quickly realized that our trips back home became increasingly stressful and judged for what we were or weren't doing.
I understand it--now. I do. And so much of me is sad and guilty because I was at fault. So I am trying to find the better balance. I am trying to be better and do better.These feelings have become even more illusive as we have moved to Kansas. However, this time around I am hoping that I can rekindle or salvage some relationships and understand that others may have gone down a different path. I have learned to be a whole heck of a lot better about letting go. Letting go of the negativity. Letting go of the judgments. Letting go of the facade that so many lead.
The fear is that while paths change in our family, friendships and old/new relationships I don't want to fail anymore. I want to give more. I want to focus more on who we are with in that specific moment. I want to provide care. I want to take a leap with new people I meet and reach out to those who are genuinely there.
There is a balance---in everything. I just need to get better at it all.
Love,
The Seidl Scouts
Jamie and I have quickly realized that "moving away" or leaving what is comfortable can be extremely scary, but more importantly challenging. In our minds we have always looked at this as an adventure or journey. We had hoped many of our friendships would sustain the distance and many of our family members would be supportive--yet, we know that distance (ironic again) can place strain and judgment. From afar it is easy to think or assume things. From afar it is easy to escape things. From afar it is normal to feel alone. It happens. No pity--just honesty.
Rewind to May 2013, I think I needed to be more aware of what and who was truly important. Far too often in our time in Augusta and when we traveled back I felt like I was disappointing others if I didn't see them or see them long enough. Jamie and I quickly realized that our trips back home became increasingly stressful and judged for what we were or weren't doing.
I understand it--now. I do. And so much of me is sad and guilty because I was at fault. So I am trying to find the better balance. I am trying to be better and do better.These feelings have become even more illusive as we have moved to Kansas. However, this time around I am hoping that I can rekindle or salvage some relationships and understand that others may have gone down a different path. I have learned to be a whole heck of a lot better about letting go. Letting go of the negativity. Letting go of the judgments. Letting go of the facade that so many lead.
The fear is that while paths change in our family, friendships and old/new relationships I don't want to fail anymore. I want to give more. I want to focus more on who we are with in that specific moment. I want to provide care. I want to take a leap with new people I meet and reach out to those who are genuinely there.
There is a balance---in everything. I just need to get better at it all.
Love,
The Seidl Scouts