All worthwhile things take a great amount of effort. This is what I have told myself since I was a little girl. Whether it was perfecting the way in which I did a grand plie in ballet class or my last ditch effort in trying to throw a baseball as good as my older brother---it all took effort and practice. However, I believe I have evolved into someone greater than an inspiring ballerina or professional softball player. I have evolved into a woman striving to be my own individual self--relying on faith, family and friends. My greatest efforts the past ten years have consisted of changing my own body image, forgiving those who have hurt me and building a marriage based solely on respect, love and trustworthiness. I certainly have been consumed with the latter of those three things as of recently. Yes, I had to come to terms with my own self---the destruction I caused myself and friends whom I've lost along the way. I then had to deal with all that transpired as a little girl and teenager of a broken family and representation of marriage. I longed to have a scene from the Berenstain Bears collection or even the Flintstones---but it wasn't and I had to get over it, but most of all learn from it and NOT repeat it. So finally, I come to the building of this amazing union called marriage. Many may not believe in it or want to share in it or even have a remote sense of it--but I swear to you it is the most beautiful disaster of a relationship I could have ever asked for in this life.
I use the term disaster in a tongue and cheek manner----almost trying to pull out a chuckle from Jamie's belly---hahaha. It's a disaster because what a journey it has been for the both of us---individually and as a team. The disaster is exceptionally beautiful; almost spiritual in the sense that it took all this work to get where we are today and then some. However, as the days have been long and the nights longer, I can't help but try and steady myself, let alone "us" in realizing how much work it is taking to remain optimistic, strong and cognizant of what we have, who we are, what we need (separate and together) and the ability to understand it all.
(deep stuff, huh)
Truth be told---the understanding may not come until we are all said and done with residency. So in the meantime, I have relied solely on the respect, love and trust pillars my grandparents instilled in me---in us. Those three things have provided so much peace to our marriage. Without them, we would not exist, understand or fight for what we work so hard to obtain. And boy oh boy can we fight---but fight fair.
It all takes work. The best work I have ever accepted. Even before the boys came into "our story", I knew my first job was to create a respectful, loving and trusting environment for my children with Jamie. Because without it, what would they see or hear or feel? By no means do Jamie and I have a cookie cutter marriage----but we do understand what each other needs and wants--and therefore it results in the most chaotic, disastrous and passionate type of work you could ever be handed.
Thank God I got the job.
Love
Beth
(The Seidl Sprouts)
I use the term disaster in a tongue and cheek manner----almost trying to pull out a chuckle from Jamie's belly---hahaha. It's a disaster because what a journey it has been for the both of us---individually and as a team. The disaster is exceptionally beautiful; almost spiritual in the sense that it took all this work to get where we are today and then some. However, as the days have been long and the nights longer, I can't help but try and steady myself, let alone "us" in realizing how much work it is taking to remain optimistic, strong and cognizant of what we have, who we are, what we need (separate and together) and the ability to understand it all.
(deep stuff, huh)
Truth be told---the understanding may not come until we are all said and done with residency. So in the meantime, I have relied solely on the respect, love and trust pillars my grandparents instilled in me---in us. Those three things have provided so much peace to our marriage. Without them, we would not exist, understand or fight for what we work so hard to obtain. And boy oh boy can we fight---but fight fair.
It all takes work. The best work I have ever accepted. Even before the boys came into "our story", I knew my first job was to create a respectful, loving and trusting environment for my children with Jamie. Because without it, what would they see or hear or feel? By no means do Jamie and I have a cookie cutter marriage----but we do understand what each other needs and wants--and therefore it results in the most chaotic, disastrous and passionate type of work you could ever be handed.
Thank God I got the job.
Love
Beth
(The Seidl Sprouts)