My life has been flipped upside down, turned inside out and circled back around more times than I can comprehend in the past twelve weeks.
(I am writing this after I finally felt that "Ah-Ha" moment on a walk that ended...oh..two minutes ago. )
I can't stop looking at him. This hasn't changed. This hasn't gotten old. This hasn't become boring. It has remained the same and that is the most perfect, precious and unconditional love I feel for my son.
If you would've asked me to describe this whole experience six weeks ago or even ten weeks ago, I wouldn't have been able to properly describe the emotions.
When I look at him from a physical standpoint--I see his father. And with Jamie being gone, this helps the days pass and the sad times, happier. And in these past twelve weeks I have been able to learn, grow and experience more about myself than I ever thought possible .But most importantly I have learned life lessons that can't be taught in a book or from a lecture. I have learned them from a little baby who can't even speak one word out of the english dictionary.
Each cry is different. I have learned which one is which. The hunger cry. The sad cry. The "I need mom" cry. The "I am tired" cry. I have learned them.
Each coo is different and I love that sound. It makes you smile, laugh and melt all at once.
But his eyes are what get me. They are the perfect glimmer of sapphire I could have ever imagined. But it isn't just the color. It is the way they look at me or look at Jamie. Or how he can effortlessly draw you in every morning when you peek your head into his crib. His eyes draw you in and they tell you a story--I promise. I love watching him look around. The trees. Scrubs. The way he blinks really fast when the wind is blowing. Or how hard he concentrates on finding his hands and bringing them to his mouth. It's almost as if he is a super hero because his focus is so intense, I have wondered if he thinks he can magically move his toys to his hands? It sure looks that way. And I hope he always has that look of believing he can do anything.
Everything gets to me now. More than before. I look at things differently because he looks at things differently. There is no judgment in his eyes or hatred---just pure joy, curiosity and love.
(There is so much more than what I have written but I am just happy I had these 12 weeks to see him grow, change, challenge and become our greatest gift.)
Love
The Seidl Sprouts
(I am writing this after I finally felt that "Ah-Ha" moment on a walk that ended...oh..two minutes ago. )
I can't stop looking at him. This hasn't changed. This hasn't gotten old. This hasn't become boring. It has remained the same and that is the most perfect, precious and unconditional love I feel for my son.
If you would've asked me to describe this whole experience six weeks ago or even ten weeks ago, I wouldn't have been able to properly describe the emotions.
When I look at him from a physical standpoint--I see his father. And with Jamie being gone, this helps the days pass and the sad times, happier. And in these past twelve weeks I have been able to learn, grow and experience more about myself than I ever thought possible .But most importantly I have learned life lessons that can't be taught in a book or from a lecture. I have learned them from a little baby who can't even speak one word out of the english dictionary.
Each cry is different. I have learned which one is which. The hunger cry. The sad cry. The "I need mom" cry. The "I am tired" cry. I have learned them.
Each coo is different and I love that sound. It makes you smile, laugh and melt all at once.
But his eyes are what get me. They are the perfect glimmer of sapphire I could have ever imagined. But it isn't just the color. It is the way they look at me or look at Jamie. Or how he can effortlessly draw you in every morning when you peek your head into his crib. His eyes draw you in and they tell you a story--I promise. I love watching him look around. The trees. Scrubs. The way he blinks really fast when the wind is blowing. Or how hard he concentrates on finding his hands and bringing them to his mouth. It's almost as if he is a super hero because his focus is so intense, I have wondered if he thinks he can magically move his toys to his hands? It sure looks that way. And I hope he always has that look of believing he can do anything.
Everything gets to me now. More than before. I look at things differently because he looks at things differently. There is no judgment in his eyes or hatred---just pure joy, curiosity and love.
(There is so much more than what I have written but I am just happy I had these 12 weeks to see him grow, change, challenge and become our greatest gift.)
Love
The Seidl Sprouts