It feels like yesterday.
I am sure I will be saying this for years to come and probably when he walks across the stage to receive his diploma---but hey, why not start it now? So yes, today marks 2 months and I can't believe it! It makes me happy as I can vividly see how much he has changed, matured and mastered (hahaha) already! One thing is for sure---he has my heart and that has stayed consistent.
SO.......HAPPY 2 month Birthday James Regan!!!
I am writing this on the floor of my living room. This space has become practically permanent......the butt marks in the carpet and small coffee stains can prove it. At any rate, I find myself here alot....either pumping, writing, checking emails, working, feeding James or just downloading some new tunes. It has become a "staple" area for me which I am not necessarily proud of but know that it is a part of my daily/nightly routine. Thinking back to the first four weeks of James' life.....honestly (I am sure you have heard it before) I don't know how we/I survived......holy crap! But I am here.....James is asleep (crossing my fingers he stays that way) and Jamie is having a guys night (much deserved with all the studying he has been doing). I have come to find that moments like these are few and far between. There isn't a moment where you really feel like you can just breathe because you are constantly listening for that cry, hoping his little tummy gets straightened out, worrying about going back to work and what all that entails, finalizing things for friends and family members, etc, etc, etc..........
I won't lie...I do feel the pressure. To be "the" mom, "the" wife, "the" friend, "the" daughter......I say this not for pity...but more because I don't want to disappoint the people I love. And maybe I am feeling all of this because Jamie is leaving soon....very soon and quite candidly.....I have been feeling all sorts of emotions. Sadness. Anxiety. Fear. Anger. Resentment. Excitement. Nervousness. It is all there. I know that alot weighs on his shoulders as he needs to do well on these rotations and interviews as it will determine where we go for residency....that is 8 years of our lives.......no wonder he feels like the weight of the world is on his shoulders. And here I am complaining that I don't want him to leave us. #selfish
Random Notation: DISTANCE SUCKS!!!!
So I pray and whisper to James as I rock him to sleep. I ask God to keep us safe. To keep Jamie safe. I think that is all I can do---trust that everything happens for a reason and what is meant to be will be.
Thanks for listening blogworld!
Love,
The Seidl Sprouts
I am sure I will be saying this for years to come and probably when he walks across the stage to receive his diploma---but hey, why not start it now? So yes, today marks 2 months and I can't believe it! It makes me happy as I can vividly see how much he has changed, matured and mastered (hahaha) already! One thing is for sure---he has my heart and that has stayed consistent.
SO.......HAPPY 2 month Birthday James Regan!!!
I am writing this on the floor of my living room. This space has become practically permanent......the butt marks in the carpet and small coffee stains can prove it. At any rate, I find myself here alot....either pumping, writing, checking emails, working, feeding James or just downloading some new tunes. It has become a "staple" area for me which I am not necessarily proud of but know that it is a part of my daily/nightly routine. Thinking back to the first four weeks of James' life.....honestly (I am sure you have heard it before) I don't know how we/I survived......holy crap! But I am here.....James is asleep (crossing my fingers he stays that way) and Jamie is having a guys night (much deserved with all the studying he has been doing). I have come to find that moments like these are few and far between. There isn't a moment where you really feel like you can just breathe because you are constantly listening for that cry, hoping his little tummy gets straightened out, worrying about going back to work and what all that entails, finalizing things for friends and family members, etc, etc, etc..........
I won't lie...I do feel the pressure. To be "the" mom, "the" wife, "the" friend, "the" daughter......I say this not for pity...but more because I don't want to disappoint the people I love. And maybe I am feeling all of this because Jamie is leaving soon....very soon and quite candidly.....I have been feeling all sorts of emotions. Sadness. Anxiety. Fear. Anger. Resentment. Excitement. Nervousness. It is all there. I know that alot weighs on his shoulders as he needs to do well on these rotations and interviews as it will determine where we go for residency....that is 8 years of our lives.......no wonder he feels like the weight of the world is on his shoulders. And here I am complaining that I don't want him to leave us. #selfish
Random Notation: DISTANCE SUCKS!!!!
So I pray and whisper to James as I rock him to sleep. I ask God to keep us safe. To keep Jamie safe. I think that is all I can do---trust that everything happens for a reason and what is meant to be will be.
Thanks for listening blogworld!
Love,
The Seidl Sprouts