"You live what you learn."
I had heard this expression early on as a child from my mother. For the most part, it rang true-- until I realized some of the things I saw, heard and learned weren't something I wanted to mirror as an adult or spouse or parent.
Maybe this will make more sense.
Has anyone ever said, "Oh you are just like your father." or "Your mother would've reacted the same way!"
Believe it or not, we tend to live out those same tendencies---the ways in which we were nurtered or reared as a child. And to our defense, we didn't have an idea whether it was right or wrong until we gained more and more life experience. I think it was right around age 9 where I realized, "I don't really like the way he spoke to her or I am not in agreeance with how she reacted to that situation." This is where I believe I formed my opinion (with the guidance of how I was raised) to know what was right or wrong in my little world.
This leads me to my discussion with Jamie last night. And before you go and judge me--please know that I understand that everyone has differeing opinions. I know that mine certainly didn't match up with Jamie's and as hard as it was to say "okay", I still had to be open to his opinion.
It was as simple as this: We were watching our favorite tv show and Dr. Taub has cheated on his spouse for quite a long time. But now his wife is emotionally cheating on him and he can't take it. (Revenge, maybe?) At any rate he says to another doctor, "With all the cheating and the lies, I still love her and I can't stop loving her."
(Beth pauses the DVD).
This urked me.
It rubbed my the wrong way.
I glanced at Jamie and said, "This is so hard for me to watch because how can someone cheat on someone, yet say that they are still absolutely, indefinitely in love with them?"
Jamie replies, "The human race makes mistakes. That's why we are human. We all screw up. And that is where forgiveness comes in. That is the power of forgiveness that God talks about."
I reply, "I hear you on the forgiveness aspect, but he also says to not commit adultery."
Jamie then decides to use a metaphor to help me understand. "Beth, cheating is like a wall that was knocked down, but with help and work--it can be rebuilt."
I insistently reply back, "No, cheating isn't something you can rebuild. A marriage is based off of respect, trust and loyalty. If those are broken, how can you ever rebuild that?"
(I will stop here)
Please know this wasn't a fight. It was a discussion.
Jamie proceeded to tell me that I have very strong opinions---and they tend to either be Black or White.
(I quickly took offense)
And then my wonderful, patient husband says, "And I tend to be the shade of gray."
So this leads me to my last thought? Am I black or white? Am I stubborn on what I believe? Am I too harsh? Did I learn this from my own upbringing? What can I do to be different?
I know I need a little more shade of gray in my world---I have known this for a long time. Thankfully I have someone like Jamie who brings that color to my life. But I know I need to do it more often--whether it be a discussion, an argument, an opinion or even a preference.
Are you black or white?
or
Are you a shade of gray?
Love,
The SeidlSprouts
I had heard this expression early on as a child from my mother. For the most part, it rang true-- until I realized some of the things I saw, heard and learned weren't something I wanted to mirror as an adult or spouse or parent.
Maybe this will make more sense.
Has anyone ever said, "Oh you are just like your father." or "Your mother would've reacted the same way!"
Believe it or not, we tend to live out those same tendencies---the ways in which we were nurtered or reared as a child. And to our defense, we didn't have an idea whether it was right or wrong until we gained more and more life experience. I think it was right around age 9 where I realized, "I don't really like the way he spoke to her or I am not in agreeance with how she reacted to that situation." This is where I believe I formed my opinion (with the guidance of how I was raised) to know what was right or wrong in my little world.
This leads me to my discussion with Jamie last night. And before you go and judge me--please know that I understand that everyone has differeing opinions. I know that mine certainly didn't match up with Jamie's and as hard as it was to say "okay", I still had to be open to his opinion.
It was as simple as this: We were watching our favorite tv show and Dr. Taub has cheated on his spouse for quite a long time. But now his wife is emotionally cheating on him and he can't take it. (Revenge, maybe?) At any rate he says to another doctor, "With all the cheating and the lies, I still love her and I can't stop loving her."
(Beth pauses the DVD).
This urked me.
It rubbed my the wrong way.
I glanced at Jamie and said, "This is so hard for me to watch because how can someone cheat on someone, yet say that they are still absolutely, indefinitely in love with them?"
Jamie replies, "The human race makes mistakes. That's why we are human. We all screw up. And that is where forgiveness comes in. That is the power of forgiveness that God talks about."
I reply, "I hear you on the forgiveness aspect, but he also says to not commit adultery."
Jamie then decides to use a metaphor to help me understand. "Beth, cheating is like a wall that was knocked down, but with help and work--it can be rebuilt."
I insistently reply back, "No, cheating isn't something you can rebuild. A marriage is based off of respect, trust and loyalty. If those are broken, how can you ever rebuild that?"
(I will stop here)
Please know this wasn't a fight. It was a discussion.
Jamie proceeded to tell me that I have very strong opinions---and they tend to either be Black or White.
(I quickly took offense)
And then my wonderful, patient husband says, "And I tend to be the shade of gray."
So this leads me to my last thought? Am I black or white? Am I stubborn on what I believe? Am I too harsh? Did I learn this from my own upbringing? What can I do to be different?
I know I need a little more shade of gray in my world---I have known this for a long time. Thankfully I have someone like Jamie who brings that color to my life. But I know I need to do it more often--whether it be a discussion, an argument, an opinion or even a preference.
Are you black or white?
or
Are you a shade of gray?
Love,
The SeidlSprouts