Sickly Happy.

So I am sick.
My throat feels like I swallowed battery acid. And that my friends is where Nightquil came to my rescue, like Superman flying through the air and sweeping me off my feet........I swear it was like this:

And asleep I went.

But today isn't about trying desperately to receive your remorse--it is about the fact that I am happy.

Many people look for the negative or the worst possible outcome (case in point--I had a tendency to be a Pessimistic Patty). However, I realized that thinking positively will provide you a positive outcome. I would say this to Jamie all the time before National Boards. "Think as if you are going to perform extremely well and when the day comes--you are more inclined to follow through." So, I know many people get annoyed when someone is completely happy. Some people may even be envious or jealous of those who have happiness in their lives (not because they are a bad person, but it can sometimes fall under the human nature aspect). Staying on topic---I know this going to make you want to gag but.......I had this moment when laying on the couch--thinking about Jamie, my life, and what makes me happy. As I continued to ponder, I realized that far too often during college I was so wrapped up in what Jamie wanted, where Jamie was going and what Jamie was doing---I didn't focus on me--which resulted in a very unhealthy lifestyle. I strived to please people and their needs. I was not Mother Theresa and never will be but sometimes I feel most comfortable in a relationship when I don't feel like I am taking away anything.

And thankfully, Jamie and many others taught me that sometimes and somedays--YOU NEED TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST. And trust me, it took alot of heart ache and losing people in my life to realize that the reason why I wasn't happy was because I wasn't accepting of myself. But after feeling "loss"---I realized that I was the only person who could pull myself out of it (special peeps helped me along the way..aka FRIENDS and FAMILY).....but it literally had to be me.

I remember continually reminding myself that I couldn't control everything. I couldn't control what others did. I couldn't control what others said. Therefore, accept what happens and move forward. Because quite frankly, it isn't the end of the world.

I know I haven't lived a long life, but what I do know is that I want to spend the rest of my life happy, content and at peace with:

#1: God

#2: Myself

#3 My Marriage

#4 My relationships

#5 The hardships that will come along the way

Whew........I finally got that out.

Love,

The Seidl Sprouts